Legacy media was doing backflips back in ’25 trying to convince us this “revival” captured the spirit of the original. They were trying to get us to sip the studio Kool-aid while the rest of us were being forced to pay a Theater Tax for a movie with the comedic timing of a frozen loading screen. This wasn’t a tribute; it was a total system crash.
This is a hollowed-out version of a classic being used to boost “brand engagement.” It fails the basic test of being, you know, funny, despite some heavy-hitter names and weirdly timed cameos trying to save the wreckage.
Warning: System Flaws Found
The script feels like it was fed through a “Second Screen” algorithm designed to be watched while you’re busy doing anything else. The original Leslie Nielsen masterpieces worked because the world was serious while the characters were idiots; here, the entire world is in on the joke, which completely kills the friction. Every gag is broadcast three minutes before it happens, giving the audience enough time to file their taxes before the punchline lands.
The Thesis:
The Naked Gun (2025) is a bland, corporate reboot that fails to understand why the original worked, leaving a talented Liam Neeson stranded in a sea of predictable gags and bizarre wrestling cameos.
The Naked Gun (2025) Missed The Assignment
🧬Cinescore DNA
✍️Plot Analysis: Predictable & Lazy
The “System Flaws” here are massive. The plot doesn’t just borrow from the original; it lazily photocopies it without understanding the ink. Every joke is telegraphed five minutes before it happens, stripping away the element of surprise that made Leslie Nielsen a legend. By the time the “Not Nordberg” gag lands, you’ve already checked your watch twice. It’s a script written by a committee terrified of taking a real risk.
🥊The Liam Neeson Skills: 39 Bad Guys Served
Liam Neeson
Liam Neeson. He is the undisputed MVP of this disaster, but it’s a tragic victory. Neeson understands the assignment perfectly—he treats every absurd line with the gravity of a kidnapped daughter and a “very particular set of skills.”
However, even a high-tier operative like Neeson can’t save this movie. While he’s playing it straight, the rest of the cast is mugging for the camera like they’re auditioning for a local car commercial. It creates a tonal “glitch in the matrix” where you’re watching a master at work trapped inside a high-budget TikTok prank.
🎭Performance Payload: Neeson vs. The Extras
Liam Neeson is the only operative on the field who remembered he was in a movie. He plays it deadpan, exactly how it should be, but he’s surrounded by a cast that acts like they’re in a 30-second TikTok skit. Cody Rhodes looks like a plastic surgery disaster as the bartender, and the rest of the cast feels like stand-ins who were hired because they were cheap, not because they were funny. It’s an elite actor trapped in a middle-school play.
📣Execution: Directed by a Spreadsheet
Akiva Schaffer and the producers clearly had a checklist of “Brand Assets” to hit rather than a vision to execute. It feels like every scene was focus-grouped into oblivion until all the personality was scrubbed out. The timing is off because the producers were more worried about the Dave Bautista cameo than the actual rhythm of the scene. It’s direction-by-numbers, and the math doesn’t add up to a laugh.
🖼️Visuals & Vibes: The “Eagleman” Aesthetic
Poll Time
Which “Logic Error” ruined your immersion the most, Operative?
Remember those low-budget “Liberty Mutual” or “Eagleman” commercials from the 90s? That’s the vibe here. The lighting is flat, the sets look like they’re made of painted cardboard, and the digital effects are amateur at best. There’s no cinematic weight—just a series of brightly lit rooms that make you feel like you’re watching a training video for a job you don’t want.
⏱️Pacing & Rewatch: Off-Key Chaos
The pacing is a disaster. It starts with a frantic energy that goes nowhere, then stalls for twenty minutes of “Not Nordberg” meta-garbage. You never know what direction the movie is going next because the movie doesn’t know either. As for rewatching? Why would you? You’ve already seen the trailer, which contains 90% of the jokes. Once the data is processed, there’s zero reason to run the program again.
I know what you’ll say: ‘Cipher, it’s just a silly comedy, stop being a buzzkill.’ Wrong. Comedy needs to be precise. If the timing is off by a second, the whole thing breaks. This isn’t ‘silly’; it’s just lazy corporate math disguised as a movie.
CINESCORE DNA
SHOULD YOU WATCH THE NAKED GUN (2025)?
👀 Absolutely not unless you like garbage. Naked Gun (2025) is a failure that proves studios think we’ll watch anything as long as the title is familiar and the cameos are loud. Avoid this one, Operatives.
Expand Good vs Bad
💰 CINEMATIC GOLD
- The shrine of og characters was nostalgic🗿
- Now Serving the line of bad guys was hilarious😂
- The infared viewing with all the sexual enuendos🔭
💀 BAD DECISIONS
- They really use a dummy and rag doll it🪀
- Their slap stick kinda sucks🎤
- The lines suck📜
Is this the end of the slapstick genre, or are we just watching the death rattles of a studio that’s out of ideas? Sound off in the comments.
- Cipher.
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